Two Forces: ‘Pain’ and ‘Pleasure’
Clients often commit to a goal, a decision or a plan, but later experience some doubt or a reduced level of commitment.
They may find the day to day activities of their role make it difficult to find the time to commit to the goal; they may encounter unforeseen challenges; or they may have been influenced by someone else or even resistance from others.
They may be reluctant to change themselves and unwillingness to learn new skills and behaviours.
Coaches need to be able to help clients to develop powerful answers to the ‘why’ question. The use of the concept of ‘pain’ and ‘pleasure’ can help clients to connect on an emotional, intellectual and even a physical level to their vision.
The concept of ‘pain’ and ‘pleasure’
People are motivated by two forces: ‘pain’ and ‘pleasure’.
Sometimes people are motivated by wanting to avoid ‘pain’ and sometimes they are motivated by wanting ‘pleasure’. It is human nature to defer unpleasant or ‘painful’ activities and to seek opportunities to derive ‘pleasure’ and enjoyment.
Coaches can use these two forces to develop client commitment to follow through and to help the client to answer the ‘why’ question.
Motivation and Driving Forces
Why it is that many university students leave completing a major assignment until just before the final deadline date? Logically, they know it makes sense to plan and prepare the assignment, leaving sufficient time for research, revisions and completing the final draft, yet most will leave working on the assignment until nearer the deadline.
The answer lies in two forces that drive human behaviour: ‘pain’ and ‘pleasure’.
Most people, including students choose ‘pleasure’ over ‘pain’. They choose to party and enjoy them and to defer the ‘pain’ of completing the assignment. They are motivated towards ‘pleasure’ and away from the ‘pain’ of the assignment.
As the deadline nears, they become more motivated by the ‘pain’ of failing the assignment, than the pleasure of continuing to party: this drives them to focus on the assignment.
Uncovering ‘Pain’ and ‘Pleasure’
Sometimes referred to as the Cost Benefit Model, the coach invites clients to identify the ‘pain’ (i.e. the costs) and the ‘pleasure’ (i.e. the benefits) of embracing a vision, goal or change.
The aim is to help the client to connect emotionally as well as logically to the vision. The coach can use a sequence of questions to elicit answers.
Example of a Question Strategy
Below is a standard example of a five stage question strategy that might be used during a coaching session.
The strategy starts by inviting the client to explore the current situation and then to describe the proposed future situation. Stage 3 invites the client to explore the factors that might inhibit progress and commitment to the change.
To help the client to explore this in more detail and to develop a powerful set of answers to the ‘why’ question, the coach could ask a series of supplementary questions to build a higher level of commitment, for example:
- What would this change give you? (i.e. pleasure and benefits)
- What would this mean to you?
- And what would that give you?
- And what would this mean to you?
This question cycle can be repeated 3 – 5 times each time drilling deeper into the logical and emotional benefits to be derived from the change.
The process can also be used to explore the costs or pain, for example:
- What would this change cost you if you do not make it? (i.e. pain)
- What would this mean to you?
- And what problems would that give you?
- And what would this mean to you?
Before moving onto Steps 4 and 5, the coach should use the opportunity to summarise the key benefits and costs emphasising either the pain or pleasure depending upon which ones motivate the client the most.
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